Aviators Old and New

Posted on December 19, 2011

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Modern day Aviators VS Old School Aviators

This explains it all. Aviators come from a long line of a secret
society, formed around one thousand years ago.

Old School

Phu Khen (pronounced Foo Ken) 1169-? is considered by some to be the
most under-recognized military officer in history.  Many have never heard
of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this
secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phu Khen.                           .

Operation Achieve Victory (AV) was born. All 10 divisions of Khens
submitted their plan. After reviewing AV plans 1 thru 7 and finding them
all unworkable or ridiculous, Genghis Khan was understandably upset.

It was with much perspiration that Phu Khen submitted his idea, which
came to be known as AV 8. Upon seeing AV 8, Genghis was convinced this
was the perfect plan and gave his immediate approval. The plan was
beautifully simple. Phu Khen would arm his hordes to the teeth, load
them into catapults, and hurl them over the wall. The losses were
expected to be high, but hey, hordes were cheap! Those that survived the
flight would engage the enemy in combat. Those that did not? Well,
surely their flailing bodies would cause some damage.

The plan worked and the enemy was defeated. From that day on,
whenever the Mongol Army encountered an insurmountable enemy, Genghis
Khan would give the order, “Send some of Phu Khen’s AV 8-ers.”

This is believed, though not by anyone outside our secret society, to be
the true origin o f the word Aviator (AV 8-er).

New School

Prior to the start of America’s involvement into the Vietnam war, some genius decided to modify this plan and to put it into use in Vietnam.

The idea was to use the modern day catapults system. It was called Helicopeeter. Now they needed different types of helicopeeters because unlike to “old” catapults these needed to be faster and more maneuverable. They came up with a little bitty one they would call a “Scout, a larger one to transport the ground pounders or Infantry to battle and a modified version to provide the ground pounders fire support. It was quickly learned that carrying pots of boiling oil was not good. Therefore they place big guns on the sides.

The helicopeeters that carried troops back and forth had to be ones that could easily be put into tight spots and then get back out. They were named “Slicks” because they would just slide in and out.

The helicopeeters with the big guns were called “Slicks with big guns”.

Now men had to be trained to operate these things.  At first, many of them did not make it off the ground. As some started to go up they also went down. The ones that couldn’t be flown anymore were put into big heaps. Hence the term “Pile it” was coined. The men putting the helicopeeters on these heaps were called “PILOTs” for short because they would pile them here and there.

Once these men learned how to keep these contraptions up and bring them back down softly, a new term was coined. Yes it was levitators. The men hated the term. One read the article about Phu Khen and suggested the term Aviator be used in place of Levitator.

So from Bong Song to Phuc Vinh, we ground pounders are proud to say that we knew the best Pilots to ever levitate a helicopeeter.

As the great poet Norman Lear never once said:
“There once was a man named Phu Khen,
Whose breakfast was whiskey and gin.
When ever he’d fly, he’d give a mighty war cry:
Bend over, here it comes again.”

We never said:

The men who flew a C Troop bird

Were the bravest and most superb

They flew them high and they flew them low

The big ones went fast the little bitty ones went slow

When the day was over to the “O” club abscond

In hopes that the birds would not have to leave the ground

Consider it an honor to be a Phu Khen Aviator. Wear the mantle proudly,
but speak of it cautiously. It is not always popular to be one of us.

You hear mystical references, often hushed whispers, to ‘those Phu Khen
Aviators.’ Do not let these things bother you. As with any secret
society, we go largely misunderstood, prohibited by our apathy from
explaining ourselves.

You are expected to always live down to the reputation of the Phu Khen
Aviator… a reputation cultivated for centuries, undaunted by scorn or
ridicule, unhindered by progress. So drink up, be crude, sleep late,
urinate in public, and get the job done.

When others are offended, you can revel in the knowledge that YOU are a
PHU KHEN AVIATOR!

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